After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
