Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
