i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
