my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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