when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
