TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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