I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
