Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
