Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
