Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
