So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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