Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
