my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
