she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
