That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
