Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
