They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
operation harelip BJ is a go
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
