I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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