yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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