i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
