if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
