Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
