the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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