why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
