If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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