How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
