you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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