god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
