i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
