careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
