Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
