i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Houston, we have a blender
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
