..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
