If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
