lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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