Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i permit you to call me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
