Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
