I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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