yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
