One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Randomize
