Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
