first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
