you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
