..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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