Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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