Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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