Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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