I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she peed on how many people?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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