Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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