We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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