if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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